All these excerpts have been painfully researched (believe me; it was painful!) and truly represent laws in place in the United States of America! Don't forget to also read Crazy Laws - American Style- The Sequel.

C'MON! THAT'S JUST PLAIN WRONG!

In Kentucky, it's never just church as usual:

"Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection with any religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100)."

ATHEISTS NOT WELCOME!

In Arkansas, belief in Him is not an option:

"No person who denies the being of a God shall hold any office in the civil departments of this State, nor be competent to testify as a witness in any Court."

PISSIN' ON SUNSHINE

It's OK to piss or "defecate" on the flag of Florida unless it's for ...:

"No person shall publicly mutilate, deface, defile, defy, trample upon, or by word or act cast contempt upon the flags of the Confederacy, or replicas thereof, for crass or commercial purposes...."

VIVA LE ARKANSASSSS!

In Arkansas, the legislature thought it necessary to mandate the pronunciation of the state name:

".... the only true pronunciation of the name of the state ... is that received by the French from the native Indians and committed to writing in the French word representing the sound. It should be pronounced in three syllables, with the final 's' silent, the 'a' in each syllable with the Italian sound, and the accent on the first and last syllables. The pronunciation with the accent on the second syllable with the sound of 'a' in 'man' and the sounding of the terminal 's' is an innovation to be discouraged."

Star Spangled BannerOH SAY CAN YOU SEE, BY THE DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT

Choreographers beware! In Michigan, you cannot use The Star Spangled Banner just any old way:

"... The Star Spangled Banner, shall not be played, sung or otherwise rendered in this state in any public place nor at any public entertainment, nor in any theatre, motion picture hall, restaurant or cafe, except as an entire and separate composition or number and without embellishments of national or other melodies; nor shall The Star Spangled Banner or any part thereof or selection from the same, be played as a part or selection of a medley of any kind; nor shall The Star Spangled Banner be played at or in any of the places mentioned herein for dancing or as an exit march."

EXPLODING GOLFBALLS

What is it about Massachusetts golfers that the legislators felt it necessary to provide that:

"Whoever manufactures or sells or knowingly uses, or has in possession for the purpose of sale, any golf ball containing any acid, fluid, gas or other substance tending to cause the ball to explode and to inflict bodily injury shall for the first offence be punished by a fine of not more than five hundred dollars, and for any subsequent offence by a fine of not more than one thousand dollars or by imprisonment for not more than one year, or both."

OH! THE HUMANITY!

Someone must be murdering those chicken eggs in New jersey:

"No person shall operate or conduct an establishment where the business of breaking eggs is carried on, whether such eggs are broken for use as food or for other purposes, unless a license to conduct such business has first been issued by the State department to the owner, operator or manager of such establishment."

NUDIST RIGHTS

In California, it's OK to get a beer if your naked but ... oh, well, why spoil the fun:

"Any regulation which excludes nude persons from licensed premises shall not apply to a nude person at licensed premises located at a nudist resort or nudist campground...."

THE SWINE!

In California, pigs from out-of-state who wish to perform in, say, a pig show ... must have papers!

"It is unlawful for any person to import any swine into this state except for immediate slaughter, unless the person procures a health certificate and import permit from the department prior to the shipment or movement of the swine."

ONE BEAR GALL-BLADDER .... TWO BEAR GALL-BLADDERS

In California, 'dey'll be prima facie-ing 'dem 'der bear gall-bladders:

"The possession of more than one bear gall bladder is prima facie evidence that the bear gall bladders are possessed for sale."

CALLING ARIZONA

According to Arizona law, all them hi-falutin' animal scientists are damn near wrong!

"'Horse' includes horse, ass, mule and burro."

REFERENCES:

  • 2008 Florida Statutes, §256.10
  • Arizona Revised Statutes, §3-1212.1
  • Arkansas Code, §1-4-105
  • Arkansas Constitution, §19.1
  • California Business and Professions Code, §25750
  • California Fish and Game Code, §4758(b)
  • California Food and Agriculture Code, §10721(a) and §16233
  • Duhaime, Lloyd, Crazy Laws - American Style - The Sequel, the international variety at Dumb, Crazy or Stupid Laws Around the World, and the rest of the silly lineup at LawFun.
  • Kentucky Revised Statutes, §437.060
  • Massachusetts General Laws, 2008, Chapter 148, §55
  • Michigan Penal Code, §750.542
  • New Jersey Statutes, §24:11-1