Publishing a new law report is a once-in-a-lifetime thing. And Americans known how
to do law reports, having grabbed up many
letters of the alphabet just for
themselves: A. and P. come to mind.
The law report USFJDO was launched on July 16, 2011
(Unusual, Strange & Funny Judicial Decisions and Opinions - pronounced "U-S-Faa-Jaa-Dio"). The publisher dreaded that the well for
material would be old, cranky and aged. Who knew that so soon after USFJDO was out of the gate, the law report would assign an official, permanent and perpetual law report legal citation to a recent case: 2011 USFJDO 1 (click here to go to the actual USFJDO law reports).
You see, there is a God.
He cometh in the name of the good judge
Martin J. Sheehan (no, not the actor "Sheen", son of you-know-who).
The judge.
Covington, Kentucky, Kenton Circuit Judge Martin J. Sheehan of 230 Madison
Avenue if you live nearby and might be able
to thank him for us.
The legal world in Kentucky keep their
secrets to themselves, if not their embarrassments.
Until last week, His Lordship's big claim to fame was his
father, former state governor Gus Sheehan.
Sheehan Junior is a graduate of P. Chase College of Law (1983), where he is also an adjunct
professor. A Democrat, Sheehan was a
politician in the Kentucky House of
Representatives for five years and then
practised law for ten years. In 1994, he
ran for district court, won a seat on the
bench and has never looked back (that's how
judges are made in the US of A).
According to a flattering article written
by a local law firm:
"Judge Sheehan came to the Circuit Court
bench after nine years of private practice
and fourteen years on the Kenton District
Court bench."
Perhaps a more objective source: an October 2007 editorial in the Kentucky
Post noted his "intellectual independence".
That's why the entire legal world was minding their own business, worried about the national debt when, boom! - the good Justice Sheehan surprised
everybody on July 19, 2011, the date the
registrar of the Kenton Circuit Court of Kentucky issued his reasons
for judgment in Kissel v Schwartz & Maines:
ORDER
The herein matter having been scheduled
for a trial by jury commencing July 13,
2011, and numerous pre-trial motions having
yet to be decided and remaining under
submission;
And the parties having informed the Court
that the herein matter has been settled
amicably (the Court uses the word amicably loosely) and that there is no
need for a Court ruling on the remaining
motions and also that there is no need for
a trial;
And such news of an amicable settlement
having made this Court happier than a tick
on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier
than a one legged cat in a sand box and,
quite frankly, would have rather jumped
naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into
a five gallon bucket of porcupines than
have presided over a two week trial of the
herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt,
would have made the jury more confused than
a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the
parties and their attorneys madder than
mosquitoes in a mannequin factory;
IT IS THEREFORE ORDERED AND ADJUDGED by the
Court as follows:
1. The jury trial scheduled herein for July
13, 2011 is hereby CANCELLED.
2. Any and all pending motions will remain
under submission pending the filing of an
Agreed Judgment, Agreed Entry of Dismissal,
or other pleadings consistent with the
parties' settlement.
3. The copies of various correspondence
submitted for in·camera review by the
Defendant shall be sealed by the Clerk until
further orders of the Court.
4. The Clerk shall engage the services of a
structural engineer to ascertain if the
return of this file to the Clerk's office
will exceed the maximum structural load of
the floors of said office.
Dated this 19 day of July, 2011.
MARTIN J. SHEEHAN
Kenton Circuit Judge
U-S-Faa-Jaa-Dio, My Lord!
U-S-Faa-Jaa-Dio!
REFERENCES:
- Barbara Kissel v Schwartz & Maines & Ruby
Co., LPA, 2011 USFJDO 1, also known as Commonwealth of Kentucky, Kenton
Circuit Court, First Division, Case No.
09-CI-00165
- McMurty, Todd, 90 Minutes with Judge Martin J. Sheehan, DBL Law, undated [retrieved from
the Internet on July 29, 2011]