Roger writing the LAWmag
15
May 2012

To Infinity and Beyond: Cyborg v. Carter, Clinton and Others

At the risk of making a false assumption, one can only imagine the look on the registry clerk's face when he or she took and filed Action #92 Civ. 8658, in the United States District Court for the Southern District of New York.

Lawyers are well aware of their professional duties not to prejudge their client's cases. Some criminal law lawyers quite properly justify their defense of heinous crimes by saying they are not the judge; it is their job merely to put forward their client's best case ... everybody gets their day in the courtroom; etc.

And every lawyer who has ever put out a shingle knows that every few years, some kook case will knock on their door.

But for kook cases, and at the risk of being disciplined by the law society for adversely commenting on a citizen's right to undertake litigation, Teri Smith Tyler's complaint is the cat's meow.

Acting for herself, which American lawyers refer religiously to as pro se, Ms Smith, Cyborg, endorsed a set of averments of fact as follows, all taken from the actual Court file and the subsequent judicial decision which ultimately disposed of her lawsuit.

 

The defendants were a curious mixture: James "Jimmy" Carter, William "Bill" Clinton, Ross Perot, the Iron Mountain Security Corporation, IBM, David Rockefeller and NASA.
 

"Plaintiff contends she is a cyborg (short for cybernetic organism, a being with both biological and artificial, electronic, mechanical or robotic parts), and that she received most of the information which forms the basis for her complaint, through proteus, which I read to be some silent, telepathic form of communication.

"Defendants are involved in the Iron Mountain Plan, which provides for the re-institutionalization of slavery and bloodsports (which she identifies as death-hunting and witch-hunting), and the oppression of political dissidents, herself included.

Cyborg"Plaintiff's complaint alleges a number of personal indignities visited upon her by defendants: 'strafing of my dormitory room by planes and helicopters, the electronic bugging of my student rooms and apartments, deliberate noise harassment, blasting of loud rock music with lyrics designed for witch-hunts (music about social pariahs) students following me around to prevent me from studying, whispering campaigns and social ostrification'.

"Former President Jimmy Carter was the secret head of the Ku Klux Klan; Bill Clinton is the biological son of Jimmy Carter; President Clinton and Ross Perot have made fortunes in the death-hunting industry, and are responsible for the murder of at least 10 million black women in concentration camps, their bodies sold for meat and their skin turned into leather products.... In death-hunting, teams of pimps and harriers (women working for pimps) follow a black woman they want to force into sexual slavery and snuff rackets, try to wreck her employment prospects, isolate her socially, break her up with friends and family, often they try to force her onto welfare because it often circumscribes her choice of places to live. Sometimes members of a woman's family or her mate will be cooperative or part of death-hunting teams because participants get paid.

"President Clinton ordered the bombing of the World Trade Center in order to justify war with Iraq.

"The United States invaded Panama and arrested General Noriega because Noriega objected to United States soldiers raiding Indian tribes in Central America for child sex slaves to torture in American cocaine-based thrill-killing rackets. Plaintiff contends she wrote to Noriega asking him to join in her lawsuit, but that United States soldiers holding Noriega beat him when he asked for his mail.

"The defendants are also responsible for breeding farms, which turn out 2,000 black girls a year, who are then sold for recreational murder or as human pets.

"The defendants utilize weather control and earthquake technology to threaten other countries that object to the Iron Mountain Plan.

"In 1988, Rajiv Gandhi spoke to her through proteus and informed her that he was being held prisoner and sexually abused by a man whom he had caught stealing from the funds generated by the Bhopal disaster settlement. According to plaintiff, Yasser Arafat tried to confirm Ghandi's tale of abuse on behalf of the plaintiff, to no avail...

"(The) Gulf War against Iraq was undertaken so that America could restock its sexual slavery camps, which had been depleted.... 40,000 Iraqi soldiers captured by the United States, selected for their physical attractiveness, have been brought to this country where they were being beaten, forced to run gauntlets and homosexually gang-raped by American soldiers.

"Plaintiff claims to have confronted Secretary of Defense (Dick) Cheney with evidence of this allegation. Cheney, through proteus, purportedly told the plaintiff, 'Well, we were so sick and tired of killing black girls. We just had to put some variety back into our death-hunting industry. And they (Persians) are incredibly beautiful. The beauty of the face heightens the pleasure of the kill. I know of no higher pleasure than the gang-rape of exceedingly beautiful people.'

"The Serbian government, the Nazi Bund (sic), the Bank of Commerce and Credit International ("BCCI") are also involved in the conspiracy."

Ms Smith, assuming of course that she could prove all of her allegations, was equally creative in the relief she sought:

"$5.6 billion in compensatory and punitive damages; A physical accounting of all black women born since 1940, including their present whereabouts, and for those who have died, an investigation into how they died; The purchase of land in Africa for the emigration of abused black women; The bringing to justice of those responsible for the American holocaust; An investigation into the foster care system, and a physical accounting of all black children placed into foster care; An end to slavery in the United States; The end of the cyborg program run by NASA, the Defense Intelligence Agency, American Cyanimid and IBM; (and) An end to the organ-donor program."

Well, needless to say, all these deep pocket defendants ganged up on poor Ms Smith, cyborg and all. A battery of austere black suits appeared before United States District Court, Justice Charles Haight presiding, and moved for summary judgment - dismissal - of the claim on November 5, 1993. The claim was frivolous, they claimed, reminding Judge that this included "claims describing fantastic or delusional scenarios."

The end was predictable and quick and at least Justice Charles Haight was kind to Ms Smith:
 

"The Clerk of the Court is directed to dismiss the complaint as to all defendants with prejudice and without costs. The Clerk is directed to refund to plaintiff her filing fee."

One can't single out the United States for Outrageous lawsuits. Every jurisdiction has their share - see Outrageous & Strange Lawsuits.

The challenge, if there is one, must be upon the judge seized with the case, and not only in keeping a straight face, but of imposing upon an oddly-shaped claim, the square principles of law so that in the end, justice prevails and the outrageous lawsuit is given the door of the Law Courts, at least until the next one shows up on the docket.

Still, though, one can only wonder what might have happened if this case had of gone to trial.

The revelations!

Oh! The Humanity!
 

REFERENCES:

  • Tyler v Carter et al, 151 F.R.D. 537; also at 1993 WL 454256; Appeal dismissed at 41 F. 3d 1500.

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